More tranny stories later!
Apparently you make a good broom.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
