Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
