3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
