I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
