Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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