it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
