she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
