What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
