literally had 100 drinks last night.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
