Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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