Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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