I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
