so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
