I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
