sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
