i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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