I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
