Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
