we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
