There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
