The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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