the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
