She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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