the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's rum buckets o'clock
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
