Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
