I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
