My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
