OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
