im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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