If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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