Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
