hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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