i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
