One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
