If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
