I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
