So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
