I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
