Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
