we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My pussy is not your playground.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
