Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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