Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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