; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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