can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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