Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it because I queefed?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have so many feelings about this burrito
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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