You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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