also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
