Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
