You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
