God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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