Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
