You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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