my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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