Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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